It has been a while since I sat down to write anything. There are reasons and excuses, but it is time to get back to it. I’ll start this post by saying that 2022 was not the best year, by far. For many reasons, which I won’t be writing about just yet, it was one of the hardest I’ve gone through in all my years.
I was on TikTok and watched an interview with this man and he was talking about his depression and anxiety, and how he always felt like he was a filler chapter or side character in everyone else’s story. He was discussing this and was asked, what about your story? Why are you focused on where you stand in others’ stories, and be the main character of your own? Well damn dude, thanks for holding a mirror up and making me step back to refocus. Because of this, I’ve started to evaluate the relationships in my life and adjust accordingly.
I love the saying people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’m bad at giving the same amount of energy to each relationship and that isn’t sustainable, doing this will empty your cup and with an empty cup….you have nothing left to give. Growing up my grandfather would tell me, you have to take care of yourself first, and then help others. I asked him why once, because that isn’t what is usually taught. His reply? Because if you take care of everyone else first, eventually you won’t be able to take care of you or them. He knew this from experience, and again, his reply made me step back and refocus.
I never know if someone is a reason or season until after that relationship has run it’s course. While grateful for the lessons and that person, it is still hard when they are no longer a part of your life. I had this exact conversation with my 16 year old niece recently. It made me think back on my life and those that were in previous chapters…..some good and some bad. We blame so much of losing touch on life and being busy, which isn’t a lie but more so an excuse (for the majority). I’m guilty too, so don’t think I’m sitting in my glass house throwing rocks. It makes us feel a little better about not talking to or seeing our friends/family.
While I think we all want to feel important to others, we can’t drop focus that we are the main character of our own lives! We are the one constant, and need to be better for ourselves. We need to remember to treat others with kindness certainly, but we do not have to put everyone and/or everything else before ourselves! For me, this means putting things on paper…well blog. It is time for me to get down some of the thoughts and feelings happening, to help process. To help me be able to focus on the important things and not let my anxiety overwhelm me.
Life can be cruel. It can literally feel like you’re crawling through the darkness just trying to find a little bit of light. Sometimes the light is your heartbeat and it has to be your guide. Keep going, even if it is crawling or sitting still, as that might be what you need anyway. To be still….