Adult friendships are weird. I intended to write about my friends and how I have multiple friend groups that each fill a different, but important role. As I started thinking about my friends and the groups I place them in, I wondered, am I the only one that thinks friendships are weird for adults? Am I the only one that groups their friends? Am I the only one that has a group of friends, but it is possible I have not seen them in years or maybe not even spoken to them in a long time? With these questions, and a few others, I went on a search – super scientific and statistically accurate. I wanted to know what my friends thought and felt about their friendships. I sent messages to people in all of my friends groups, some I had not talked to in a very long time and others we talk daily – shockingly the responses were similar in how we group our friends. Sure we might title them a bit differently, but the premise of each group was fairly consistent across the responses. I combined into the 4 main group below:
The main groups:
1. Long-term – Permanent, Childhood, Family
2. Work
3. Parent/Kid – your kids are friends so you became friends
4. Adult Group/Seasonal/Event – can be one or multiple: Hobby friends (lake, sports, fitness, etc.), Travel Friends, Couple Friends, you get the idea
Another common theme? The long-term/childhood friend group. Most of the responses, including my own, talked about the importance of the friends that have been there throughout the years. These friends keep us grounded. You might even consider these people the family you chose. One friend summarized it very well, “Of these groups permanent (Long-term) friends has its own special category of childhood friends. This group often understands you better because they comprehend the intersection of who you used to be with who you are today.” Well thank you sir for that perfectly worded description.
My friends in this group? I’m not sure where to start – this group consists of people from: elementary and high school (not a mistake – they were one in the same for me), college (that one hurt to type. Seriously, how am I old enough to consider my college friends long-term?!?), and younger adulthood. I thought I was the only one missing spending time together, not just to remember but to create new memories, but I am not the only one. Almost everyone that I talked with about friendships, mentioned not having enough time to spend and how busy life is for everyone and conflicting schedules. We all miss this, yet none of us are doing a damn thing about it. We all do the oh we should get together – go to dinner – hang out – whatever you say…..and then don’t do it. Why? If you know or figure it out, please tell me. I do know one thing for certain – time, distance and life changes keep us from getting together more often than not, but that wouldn’t stop any of us from dropping everything to be there should one of our friends in this group need us.
We all need friends to get through life, that I will say is a fact. (Just maybe do not fact check me on this one, let’s go with trust!). Each friend and friend group bring something different into our lives. If you think it has been a while since you heard from them, send a text. Don’t know how to break a long awkward silent period? Do a group text to break the ice. It is likely not intentional that you haven’t heard from friend/group in a while, because – LIFE! So send the damn text, write on the FB page, share the funny pic or meme. You never know what is truly going on and how that one message could be the connection they needed….
Y’all, we all miss our friends – ALL of them. Especially right now, thanks CV-19, with all the things going on in the world. So maybe you can’t do your usual boys camping trip, you each grill – right? Set a night that you are all going to grill and FaceTime while you grill and share a beer. Stuck in isolation ie quarantine? Work-out with your fitness “pusher “- I’m looking at you Huntsville – virtually. You still get to interact and work-out (if that is your thing) while being good humans and abiding by CDC standards. Figure something out, even if it is just a an emoji text. If we (the ones that answered my questions and yours truly) all miss them – our friends, that means we are missing each other!! So let’s get out of the I wish I had more time excuse – it is lame, and I’m removing it from my vocabulary effective immediately. There are so many ways to communicate that we have zero excuse not to at least type a message in some format. Just one format of a message – do not go all stage 5 on your friends – now, ain’t nobody got time for that!
This is Part One of TBD on Adult Friendships. I want to thank all of my friends that took the time to share with me their friendship groups and so many details about how they feel. I couldn’t write about this without your stories and input, thanks for being honest never knowing how it will be shared! I love you all! To those reading, if you would like to share your views on adult friendships to possibly be included in a future post, please reach out!
Thank you all for reading and for your continued support. Thank you really for just indulging this southern girl that just likes to share – sometimes a little too much, and created this space!
Warmest Regards, Emma 